And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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