it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
