i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
