a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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