evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
high people should be assigned attendants
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
