We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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