my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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