also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
