I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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