you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
