I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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