Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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