i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
