So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
