Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
