you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
