ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
