The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just pee around me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
