I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
