so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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