I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
