i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
