If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
