i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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