Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
