You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
