What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
