yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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