At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
