Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
