So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
