I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
