Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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