I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
