Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
