Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
