They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
