i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
