I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
