But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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