she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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