Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
