When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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