There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
