It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
