I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
