SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
