oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
