if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
