Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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