Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
